Coming Out Club

It is not always easy for young gays, lesbians, bisexual, transgender and queer people to accept their own sexual orientation. The Box, part of COC Noord-Nederland, helps them to do that. The UK spoke with three RUG students who guide the young LGBTQ people.
Text and photo by Koen Marée / Translation by Alain Reniers

Once a month, a colourful group of young LGBTQ people occupies the meeting space of Jimmy’s in the Herestraat. Some of them have been out of the closet for a long time and are looking for ‘peers’; others have difficulty with their sexual orientation and find it challenging. ‘We want to be a safe haven for them’, says Shanne Bouma (22), who studies European languages and cultures.

RUG students Shanne Bouma, Jesse David Marinus and Hilde van der Wal (from left to right) help young LGBTQ people accept their sexual orientation. ‘As lay experts, we can share our thoughts.’

Together with students Hilde van der Wal (who is 24 and studying arts, culture and media) and Jesse David Marinus (who is 20 and studying minorities & multilingualism), Bouma is in the coaching team for the group for 18- to 30-year-olds. ‘Every meeting has a theme: love, holidays, family, gender. The other day we talked about dating, and that was very popular’, Bouma says.

Van der Wal: ‘Our younger members asked if we could pay some attention to that. In general, the afternoons are fairly relaxing with activities such as painting or drawing. And there is ample time for talking. We are all very open-minded. You need to be able to accept yourself and others.’

Obstacle

All three of them can contribute regarding the difficulties you encounter along the road to accepting your sexual orientation. For Van der Wal, things went fairly smooth at home: ‘My parents are fag hags. That’s what fans of gays are called. They always talked about it a lot at home, so it never felt like a weird thing in my childhood. In secondary school, I had some more difficulty.’

For Marinus, it was entirely different: ‘I’m from the Frisian town of Siegerswoude, which is a very reformed Protestant area. When I was 12 years old, I already knew it. But it wasn’t until I was 15 that I could really accept it. I just kept thinking: it’s just a phase. My parents are having less difficulty with it now and have always loved me 100 percent. I try to give them more information about homosexuality through books. In that sense, it’s harder for them: they have to explain themselves to the community.’

His faith was a much large obstacle: ‘In the Baptist church that I was a member of, you could not be a member as an outed homosexual. I was the head of the babysitting club and had to stop doing that.’ Marinus himself is very pragmatic about it: ‘I respect that people may take issue with it. It takes some time. I’m now a liberal believer, I view my sexual orientation as an addition to the spiritual. I’m much less judging and more loving towards others.’

Stepping stone

He also takes this experience to The Box. Before the monthly meeting, the COC group will organise a special Coming Out Club next Sunday on 7 May. ‘From 12:00 onwards, people can come by with questions about coming out. As lay experts, we can share our thoughts’, Bouma says.

‘Everyone is welcome. We’re here for a good talk’, Marinus adds. Van der Wal: ‘We are more or less a stepping stone for student association Ganymedes. People who become members are usually already out and proud. We focus on how you integrate your sexual orientation into your life.’ Bouma nods: ‘It’s very chill that there’s someone you can talk to about things you’re struggling with. That’s why we’re here.’

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