Abandoned as an infant high in the mountains of Colorado, James was taken in and raised by a family of marmots. They trained him in the art of satire, but warned him: ‘With great power comes great responsibility.’ He didn’t understand the truth of their words until his adopted rodent brother, Donald Trump’s hair, turned to the dark side.
James could only sit by and watch, helpless and appalled, as his evil brother meme’d his way to the White House. Forever changed by what he had seen, James fled to The Netherlands and vowed to always use his powers for good.
Regarding the recent talk of a laptop ban in classes, students have made their views loud and clear: If lecturers want students to get off their laptops, they need to stop being so boring.
‘We’re trying to pay attention, believe me,’ said one student. ‘But trying to listen to them is like holding two south poles of a magnet together.’
Other students suggested that lecturers shouldn’t ‘push it’ and that they’re doing them a favor by showing up at all.
‘Who are they kidding anyway? Lectures here rarely add anything that you couldn’t get from the reading. The only reason I go to class in the first place is so that my lecturer doesn’t feel bad. I’d do just as well not going at all and using the slides from the class as a study guide.’
This sentiment is a common one within the student body. Though students know they’re ultimately paying for little more than a glorified study guide, they don’t want their lecturers to feel worthless.
‘But just because we don’t want them to feel bad doesn’t mean they should get a big head about it’, said a student at the FEB. ‘Not only should students go to class, but they should also stay off Facebook? Oh, please! Don’t blame Facebook for the fact that your drivel can’t hold anyone’s attention for more than twenty seconds.’
The students interviewed for this article understand that their comments may seem mean, but they don’t care. They stand by their words.